Aspirations
In 2021, Suni Lee walked into the Tokyo arena as a long shot.
She walked out with an Olympic gold medal.
She became the first Hmong American to win gold for Team USA, moved from relative anonymity to global spotlight, and checked off the kind of childhood dream that most people never get close to.
From the outside, that looks like a clean, satisfying arc.
Work hard. Beat the odds. Stand on the podium. Problem solved.
Her experience after the podium told a different story.
In interviews months later, Lee talked openly about anxiety, impostor syndrome, and feeling like she didn’t deserve what she had earned. She described struggling to adjust to life after the Games, even as the world assumed she was living in a permanent state of fulfillment.
That gap between “I finally did it” and “Why don’t I feel the way I thought I would?” is what psychologists and coaches have started to call gold medal syndrome.
It shows up every time someone builds their identity around a single outcome, hits it, and then has to figure out who they are once the confetti is swept up.
While I would assume there is a slim chance that anyone reading this is aspiring to be a gold medalist, the concept is not narrowed to the title itself. The majority of us are chasing something and often it falls into that finite category.
“Once I hit six figures, I’ll finally relax.”
“Once the business hits seven figures, I’ll feel like a real founder.”
“Once I pay off all my debt, I’ll never stress about money again.”
“Once I buy my first house, I’ll feel like a real adult.”
“Once I get that promotion, I’ll stop doubting myself.”
“Once I get married, I won’t feel lonely anymore.”
“Once I have kids, life will feel meaningful every day.”
“Once we hit 100k followers, our content will finally matter.”
The list really is endless and yet the results are finite. Still, it doesn't matter how many times we hear someone who has accomplished whatever your goal is say "Once you're there you'll realize it wasn't the answer."... we still want it. We're jaded. Our first thought: "Let me find that out for myself"
We don't want to hear from the person who already has what we desire because it's unrelatable and disconnected. "Of course they would say that..they already have it."
If you're willing to look back on your own life I bet you can find references that confirm their statements on your own. You finally got that car you always wanted, and now it's just the car you drive every day. Pretty similar to the one before it. Gets you from here to there but it is just a car.
You finally started making six figures, and in reality, it doesn't seem to make much of a difference (especially this day and age).
You get my point. When your goal has a finish line, almost always, so does the feeling of crossing it. It only lasts a moment until it fades into the distance.
The answer is in the things you aspire to accomplish. Your aspirations should be defined by goals you can’t meet. They should be tethered to things that possess an endless pursuit. Desitinations you wil never reach. Endpoints your will never attain.
If you take the time to evaluate you'll recognize the things in life that matter, that leave an impact, a legacy and have purpose all fall into this category. You won't see tombstones that say "They were a Billionaire". "They played in the NFL". "They won the World Cup".
In fact, you'll come to realize that ulogies are always "other" focused. What did this person do, that effected those who are still here?
So what are healthy asperations?
Those that don't end.
I've always had a strong desire to be an intentional father. To raise our children in a way that they would change this world. That they would have deep rooted values, confidence in who and whose they are, and the agency to live an impactful life. This is no small feat. In fact, I fail at this on a regular basis, but what's even more important is that this pursuit will never end.
I want to be an dedicated husband. I want my wife to be my best friend, to learn her and pursue her as much as when we first met. I want to remind her of how awesome she is and build her up. I want to be that old couple that knows each other through and through, but even if I accomplish all that, it has no end point. My wife is not the same person she was 5 years ago and won't be 5 years from now. There will always be something new to learn.
I want to build a deeper relationship with God. Not something tied to a single moment, but something I return to daily. Something that shapes how I think, how I act, and how I live. This is not something you arrive at, it either grows or it drifts.
I want to take care of my health, not just for a look or a number, but for capacity. The ability to show up with energy, to be present with my family, and to avoid preventable decline. This is something that requires attention for life.
I want to continue building myself. My character, my discipline, my ability to stay steady under pressure and do what I said I would do. I never want to look at myself over the last year and say I'm the same person this year as I was last. I want to be my best for others and that will never have an arrival point.
These do not have to be your focus, but the characteristics of these aspirations are centered around a never ending pursuit. To me, this is the joy in life.
We're going on a trip next week, and my 6 year old has talked about it every day, all day, for weeks. She is more excited in anticipation than she will be about the destination. That's life. The joy is in the journey.
Today’s Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to attack at least one of these challenges:
- Define Yourself Without Outcomes
Write down who you are without referencing income, titles, achievements, or metrics. This forces you to confront how much of your identity is tied to results that can be taken away or outgrown. If it feels unclear or uncomfortable, that is part of the process.
- Audit Your “Once I” Statements
List out your current “once I” beliefs. Look at each one and question whether the feeling you are attaching to it has ever actually lasted in your past experiences. This helps separate expectation from reality.
- Have a Conversation Without an Agenda
Spend time with someone close to you without trying to fix, teach, or direct the interaction. Pay attention to how often you default to outcomes, even in relationships. It will reveal how deeply that pattern runs.
- Do Something You Won’t Get Credit For
Find a way to contribute where there is no visibility or recognition. Help someone, solve a problem, or create value quietly. This breaks the link between effort and external validation.
- Write Your Own Eulogy
Approach this as a reflection, not a dramatic exercise. Focus on how you want to be remembered by the people closest to you and what that says about how you need to live now. It shifts your attention away from achievements and toward impact.
You can still chase outcomes. You can still set targets. Those things matter. They just cannot be where you place your identity. If they are, you will keep arriving and still feel like something is missing.
“You make a living by what you get; you make a life by what you give.” – Winston Churchill
-Who you are today, is not who you have to be tomorrow-
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